As prepared as you might think you are, labor and delivery can be full of surprises. There are SO many things people tell you, but there are also things no one tells you about giving birth. Here’s what you might not expect during labor and delivery.
Looking back on my first experience of giving birth, there were MANY things that I did not expect. At all.
Maybe it was partially because I had an at-home birth and was prone to hearing hospital experiences. Maybe it was because it was my first baby and my body was figuring out what to do. I’m not sure, but I expect to go through a few surprises with my second baby.
Until then, I only know the ways I was surprised during my first, so, here they are. Hopefully they can help you for what to expect during labor and delivery.
What You Might Not Expect During Labor And Delivery
Snacks may be overrated
A weird reason why I wanted to have a home birth was because I didn’t like the restrictions at the hospital when it came to food. I was going to be in labor, for crying out loud! That’s hard work! I wanted to be able to eat if I was hungry. I felt it was important for me to eat in order to have the energy necessary to get through the process. I had heard so many stories from other mothers about how starving they were during labor, and I didn’t want to deprive my body of what it felt it needed. So I figured I would be snacking all throughout labor.
Well, I didn’t. I hardly ate anything. I just didn’t have much of an appetite. Not exactly sure why (maybe I was too nervous?), but not wanting to eat was a surprise.
False water breaks
I don’t know how many times I’ve seen this in movies. The pregnant woman stands up, then all of the sudden a gush of water falls to the floor beneath her feet and she says, “My water just broke!” They rush to the hospital, they have their baby, and voila! They live happily ever after.
So when I awoke in the middle of the night to a gush of water in between my legs, I alerted my midwife. She came over, checked me out, and instead of telling me to push, she said, “Your water did not break.”
Yes. That’s right. I just peed myself 😂 I know. Kinda embarrassing and very confusing for me, but I said okay and went on with my day.
Hours later, it happened AGAIN. Another gush of “water” that turned out to be pee. Both times I was convinced that my water had broken, and both were false alarms. I had never peed like that in my life! Another annoying surprise!
Don’t be like me and read up on How to Tell if Your Water Broke or You Just Peed.
Loooong labor
My labor was soooooooooooooooo long. Honestly, it was probably dangerously long. Contractions started on Saturday night and I had my baby at 1:57 Tuesday morning. So what, that’s like 50+ hours of labor?
It was my first pregnancy, I had no idea what I was doing, and my midwives weren’t worried. So I trusted them and waited it out.
But boy, was I tired.
Contractions weren’t difficult
Although my labor was long, contractions weren’t very painful until my water broke at 9 cm. That’s when they started to get more intense. But up until that point, I was cookin’ with Crisco. I was walking around, talking, laughing, watching The Office, listening to my meditations, and chillin’ like ice cream fillin’.
This ranges for many moms. Sometimes labor is the worst part, but then childbirth is a breeze. Sometimes labor and birth are shockingly painful. For me, labor was easy (although a million years long), and the delivery was difficult. I expected labor to be harder.
Midwife brew
I don’t know what I expected with Midwife Brew, but I didn’t expect it to be completely and utterly disgusting beyond belief, to the point where I couldn’t keep it down. I also didn’t expect to try it, but since my labor was taking a while, my midwife wanted me to try this method. Not a fan 🤢😂
Get energy work done
Yes, my labor was slow. My midwife believed that this was happening because of my fears surrounding childbirth, so my body was fighting the process internally. In order to help release that fear and any blocks my body was facing that was inhibiting my labor to progress, she recommended that I get a sort of “reading” done.
I don’t remember what it was officially called and I have NO clue how it works. But my midwife contacted a woman that she knew who had the ability to read individuals. It reminded me of a sort of body code, if you’re familiar with that. Energy work.
I never met the woman, I didn’t even catch her name. She simply texted me, asked me for permission to tap into my energy, and when I accepted, she worked her magic.
She sent me a long text message explaining the things she saw/felt within my body that were slowing down my labor, and she told me she was releasing the emotions. It was very detailed and it felt like she knew me. I cried while I was reading it, and saw many truths in what she was saying. It was a very unique experience that I did not expect to have, but it was really beautiful.
My midwife broke my water
I finally let my midwife break my water when I was around 9 cm. I probably would have done this sooner in hindsight, but I was trying to let my body do its thing and honestly, I was scared. Things moved much faster once this was done.
Cervical lip
I couldn’t cry
I thought I would cry during the pushing phase because of the pain and the intensity of it all, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I wanted to cry, but my body wouldn’t release any tears, not even one. It was kind of frustrating 😛
Uncontrollable shaking
I did not expect to shake so much during labor and after birth. My husband thought I was freezing when really it had nothing to do with my temperature. I just could not hold still.
I threw up during labor
Ring of fire was awful and I thought my vagina was going to rip into a million pieces
Birthing the placenta felt weird and a little painful
People told me that you don’t even feel the placenta coming out of you because you’re holding your baby and everything melts away.
Well, I felt it 🤣 And it was weird and a little painful and it was nice to get it out of there.
They didn’t push on my belly or massage
This one kind of concerned me in the beginning, because I hear about nurses doing this all the time in hospitals. Moms talk about how having a baby is hard, but then the massage the nurses give you afterwards? Now, THAT’S really uncomfortable and painful and something to look forward to. Haha!
So I expected a belly massage after having my baby, but my midwives never did.
Later, I learned from my midwife that although it is routine in hospitals, it’s only necessary if there’s any worry about possible bleeding and if mom needs help getting her uterus to contract.
I don’t have any expertise on this, and I’ve never done my own research, so feel free to disagree! I honestly don’t know for sure what’s best. Midwives have different methods than doctors 🤷♀️ Just be sure you trust whoever you are working with.
I didn’t tear! For my first!
One of my biggest fears of having a baby naturally was the possibility of tearing and needing stitches. This TERRIFIED me.
I so badly wanted to prevent it, but I also knew how common it was to tear, especially with your first baby. So I dreaded it, but I expected it.
I voiced my fear to my midwife, and I honestly don’t know how she did it, but she prevented this from happening! I only got small first degree tears that didn’t require stitches, and I was so grateful. Postpartum recovery is difficult enough without the stitches. Bless your heart, all you moms out there who needed stitches! You are so strong.
This is definitely on the list of what you might not expect during labor and delivery!
I didn’t poo during childbirth
Woot woot! Raise the roof! I didn’t poo on my midwives 😂 I totally expected to! And they told me to plan on it, because it happens more often than not. But not to this girl. I was poo free. Except for my baby. He pooped on me right when he was born, so I guess that made up for it.
I didn’t cry when my baby was born
Maybe I watched too many birthing videos and looked at too many pictures of moms who just gave birth, but so many of them are crying. Happy tears, of course, but still tears. So I think I had this image in my head of me crying when my baby was born.
Well, I didn’t cry, so that’s that hah!
I didn’t feel an immediate bond
I don’t love admitting this, but it’s true. As soon as my baby was placed in my arms, I waited to feel the rush of euphoria, the wave of exhilaration and infinite love that every mother talks about.
I didn’t feel any of that.
Honestly, I felt like I was in a bit of shock, maybe? I’m still not quite sure what to call it… But it felt like I was holding someone else’s baby. It felt like I didn’t just go through 50+ hours of labor to deliver a little human. I felt like none of it was actually happening to me and that I was just there for some reason… I held my baby and watched the hustle and bustle of the midwives and my husband smiling next to me and I didn’t feel much emotion. I was just observing and processing.
It wasn’t until a few days or a week after when I finally felt that euphoria that I expected to feel immediately after the birth.
Related Post: 61 Bonding With Baby Quotes Every Mom Should Read
I didn’t think I’d want photos or a video, but I regret it a little…
I never ever considered the idea of a photographer or videographer during my birth. I didn’t even like the idea of setting up our own camera and recording the event ourselves. I’d heard of people doing this and I always thought it was a little disturbing. I had friends who watched videos of their mom giving birth to them and I always felt weird about that. I also grew up hearing how it was inappropriate and you should just enjoy the experience with your spouse.
However. There are parts of me that wish I would have considered it more, which is surprising. I don’t think I would have hired someone, but maybe setting up our own camera would have been fine.
Not that I want to show people. I mean, maybe it depends on the person. But it would be more for me.
Giving birth, from my perspective, felt like it was an out-of-body experience. I feel like I remember things differently than my husband or I forget certain things because there were moments where I was just trying to survive and my instincts were taking over.
Looking back, I would have liked to record it so that I could watch it later on, after I was well rested or even months into my postpartum journey, just so I could experience it without actually experiencing it… does that make sense? 😋
Time is a phenomenon.
Labor/pushing feels like forever in the moment, but then feels like it never happened quickly after it’s over.
Still having a tummy after baby was born was weird
Let’s Wrap This Up
In the end, there’s two things you should prepare for. It’s not to prepare for a vaginal birth, or an epidural, or a c-section. It’s not to prepare for a long labor or a short labor, or a hospital birth or a home birth.
The things that you should focus on throughout your pregnancy, throughout labor, and throughout childbirth, are these:
- Prepare your mind and body for change. For adaptation. For the ability to switch direction and be at peace with it. If you can allow yourself to be okay with changes, it doesn’t matter how well you prepared for a vaginal birth yet are ending up with a c-section, because you’ve already accepted the change before it happened. Your baby is going to be born, and it may or may not look the way you want it to or the way you have been preparing it to go for the last 9 months. There will be things that happen that you weren’t expecting. So be open and accepting of change, and expect change, and everything will be okay.
- Keeping you and baby safe is a priority. If you develop the mindset to do what is necessary to keep you and your baby safe, it is easier to accept what needs to happen. Even if that means that everything else is not set in stone and maybe you don’t get the birth you desire, having a healthy mom and baby is the most important thing during labor and delivery.
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